When getting a
divorce, many parents are concerned about the visitation agreement and how often
they will get to see their children, the holiday schedule, and child support
payments. Parents try to conceal their arguments from the children and
try not to involve their children in the divorce. However, children still
feel the effects of the divorce, and it is important to be aware of the
children's feelings to try to make the divorce more comfortable for
In a recent
article, children used their own voices to let their parents know how the divorce
affected them. The following includes information present within the article
Acting out at school, but taking on more responsibility at home.
Children who are going through parents' divorce are more likely to
act out at school. Some children who already have bullying tendencies
are likely to increase bullying when going through a divorce. This is
due to the fact that children become depressed during the divorce and
don't know how to deal with the feelings.
A sense of relief.
Some children stated they felt relief when their parents decided to divorce.
This is especially true if the divorce occurred when the children were
teens. Children can feel the tension between their parents and can then
feel relief when the divorce does happen and the kids are no longer in
the middle or forced to take a side.
Feeling a financial strain of living with a single parent.
One the other hand, some children do not feel relief when their parents'
divorce, but do feel a strain due to living with a single parent. The
child may be forced to move into a smaller home or apartment and have
a parent work tirelessly to make ends meet. The child may also feel guilty
that his/her parent works so hard or gives so much to the child. Even
if the child doesn't go hungry and never wants for toys, they can
still feel the strain.
The blame game.
Sometimes, the children are forced into a divorce and forced by the parents
to choose one side over the other. This sometimes happens when a divorce
turns sour and both parents can't help but involve their children.
This leaves the child in an awkward position and right in the middle of
Lasting effects into adulthood.
Even when children grow up, they still feel the effects of their parents'
divorce. They may still be hurt from one party's actions during the
divorce, or have been swayed by one parent during the divorce or after.
It is important to listen to your children and try to keep them neutral
during the divorce.
Parents bad mouthing the other parent.
Sometimes parents can badmouth the other parent, whether they are venting
to the actual child or venting to a friend and the child overhears. And
once one parent starts bad mouthing, the other parent is likely to join
the game. Again, this puts the child in an awkward position of hearing
his or her parents say rude things about one another.
Happiness at their parent's ability to thrive after a divorce.
Children see their parents going through the divorce, which for most people
is one of the worst parts of his/her life, and are happy to see their
parents' ability to thrive after a divorce. Your children may not
feel any or all of these feelings, but it is important to talk to them
during the divorce or get them the help they need to make it through.
As a parent, it is also important to make sure that you uphold your children's
rights throughout the divorce. The experienced
South Florida divorce lawyers at
Hager, Schwartz & Ross, P.A. can help you through your divorce and make sure your custody and support
settlement is fair to you and your children.
Contact us today for a consultation.